It isn’t a secret that women have internal checklists when it comes to men and dating, but you may be surprised at just how many categories women have to classify all the men they meet. It isn’t as simple as “yes” or “no” anymore. The first hurdle to conquer in your pursuit of a woman is to make sure that you aren’t sidelined into the platonic category, or even worse, the “completely not interested” category.
If at least three of the following apply to you and your lady friend, you can assume that you are in the running for a more-than-platonic future. If not, you could very well be headed for the dreaded F-word — friends — in which case it might be better to cut your losses and move on to a new target.
- We have exchanged contact information and have each initiated communication on more than one occasion.
- We have had more than three scheduled one-on-one encounters.
- We have kissed more than twice and at least once without the help of alcohol.
- At the end of each meeting, a subsequent date is already implied or confirmed.
If you’ve managed to pass the test and meet a woman’s basic interest level, you aren’t necessarily home-free yet. Regardless of her attraction to you, remember that not all relationships are created equal. Women have increasingly gotten on board with the idea of taking a lover instead of committing to a relationship, making it even more difficult for men to figure out where they fit in.
So, just how does she decide whether to take you for a ride in the sack or for dinner with her parents? The easy answer would be that if she is attracted to you, she wants to have you as her boyfriend, but we all know women are much more complicated than that. Most of the factors that affect her decision have nothing to do with you and happen on a much more subconscious level than a superficial analysis of your appearance, job or personality. Take a look at the factors that come into play and find out how to spot a woman who is looking for the same thing you are.
the deciding factors
Her lifestyle
In choosing whether to take you as a lover or a boyfriend, a woman will undoubtedly consider how you would fit into the rest of her life. Whether she has a hectic work schedule or an active social life, she will need a boyfriend who can easily join her activities and mesh with her social circle. That being said, if she can’t imagine you getting along with her friends or finding her weekend activities enjoyable, she will most likely have you tackle only her bedroom requirements rather than rearrange her life to suit you.
To find out which way she’s leaning, take a look at some clues she might be throwing your way.
She wants a boyfriend if she:
- Says that you and her best friend/brother/cousin have a lot in common and would get along.
- Discusses her plans or goals for the future and shows an interest in yours.
- Doesn’t hesitate to introduce you when she runs into someone she knows.
- Asks for your help with something she is unable to do on her own.
She wants a lover if she:
- Regularly mentions social events she will be attending but never asks you to join her.
- Turns down your invitations to social events.
- Dismisses your attempts to share any personal information.
- Tells you that her schedule can be unpredictable and offers to call you when she’s free.
Her last relationship
Women can be very reactionary in their dating and sexual lives; they will often choose new partners based heavily on what their last partner was lacking or how different they are from the one that came before. Recent breakups and long dry-spells can indicate that a woman is not interested in pursuing an emotional entanglement, regardless of her attraction to you. Conversely, a woman with an active dating life or a past amicable breakup is more likely to consider new men as possible relationship material.
Unfortunately, without actually asking, it can be difficult to figure out if she’s ready and willing to date or if she is only interested in finding someone to keep her warm at night. What a woman divulges about her relationship history — and relationships in general — can provide you with plenty of insight into her intentions toward you.
She wants a boyfriend if she:
- Tells you specifically why her last relationship failed and what she’s learned from it.
- Mentions the relationship status of her close friends.
- Asks about your previous girlfriends and dating history.
- Remarks on how different you are from her past boyfriends.
She wants a lover if she:
- Avoids discussing previous men in her life or only makes negative comments about them.
- Is less than enthusiastic when discussing a friend’s relationship or upcoming wedding.
- Tells you that you remind her of her ex.
- Lets you know that she is casually dating a variety of men.
Her dating style
If you’re still unsure about which way your relationship is headed, the best place to look for a hint is in the kind of time you spend together and how your new woman handles herself.
A woman looking to explore a relationship will have a very different dating profile than one who is just on the prowl for something carnal in nature. A relationship-minded woman will plan dating activities that foster getting to know you, while someone interested in you just for what you can offer in the bedroom will want dates that allow her to showcase her desirability and make physical intimacy a top priority.
She wants a boyfriend if she:
- Suggests watching a romantic comedy or scary movie.
- Invites you to events that represent how she likes to spend her time or things that are important to her.
- Suggests a double date or a social gathering where you will be interacting with her friends, family or coworkers.
- Wants to hold your hand or be otherwise intimate with you in public.
She wants a lover if she:
- Shows no interest in scheduling daytime dates.
- Plans activities that revolve around the consumption of alcohol or are at places that make conversation impossible.
- Gravitates toward dating activities that allow for revealing clothing or physical interaction.
- Suggests dinner and a movie at her place, then mentions that she can’t cook.
boyfriend vs. boy toy
Women are complex creatures and there will always be confusion between the sexes when it comes to dating. Keeping your eyes and ears open will increase your chances of figuring out what your woman has on her mind and exactly where you fit in: her bed or her speed-dial.
